Shared by Gabrielle Lepage, Missionary Sister of Our Lady of Africa with a video of the song “L’Essentiel” and a video of the hymn “N’ai pas peur” with photos of sisters from yesteryears
Is there anything in life more important than human relationships? I don’t think so! Everything else matters. And it’s fair to say that the way we look at each other plays a major role in our human relationships.
The different facets of the gaze
The way we look reveals our most hidden thoughts and feelings. It has been said that the main organ of vision is thought: we see with our ideas.
We don’t always realise that our interpersonal relationships change according to the messages communicated by the way we look at each other. Glances that can be admiring, benevolent, approving, etc., but that can also be suspicious, accusatory or incredulous.
I am in my eyes, in my gaze. My body tells me about the quality of my relationships with others. There are certain attitudes that are fundamental to our human contacts, such as trust and benevolence. Trusting someone, by which I mean the quality of their presence and the authenticity of what they say, goes a long way towards creating a feeling of security with that person.
The look and the love
The benevolence that consists in wishing others well is also one of the fundamental attitudes, the most radical aspect of love. At the end of my life, I will strip myself of everything except one thing: the love I have received and the love I have given during my life.
Pope Francis said:
‘In a civilisation that is paradoxically wounded by anonymity and at the same time obsessed by the details of other people’s lives, the Church needs a close look to contemplate, stop and be moved by others whenever necessary’.
His motto also speaks of looking: I am a sinner upon whom the Lord has looked.
A look can establish a bond, and very often a look says more than all the words in the world. There’s no need to speak when you have a look that speaks volumes, and we know very well that what the voice can hide, the gaze reveals. The possibility of living begins with the other person’s gaze. There is power in the eyes. A look of hatred destroys, a look of love changes a life.
To live, you have to have been looked at at least once, to have been loved at least once, to have been carried at least once. And then, when that thing has been given, you can be alone. Love, esteem, self-respect, these feelings arise in us and make us aware of our dignity. We now know that we have a reason to exist, because we exist for someone else.
A loving gaze captures the radiance of the other person’s inner treasure; the eyes see the best in them. A gaze brimming with love is clear, unprejudiced, non-judgemental. A friend, a true friend, is also a witness, someone who enables us to better evaluate our own lives.
It’s a fact that others influence us, that the timbre of their voice moves us, that their gaze intrigues us. A Flemish proverb says that words awaken, examples attract and their works transport us. It is also true to say that the gaze of others is a pressure from which it is difficult to free ourselves completely. Even when we pretend to be, it rarely leaves us indifferent.
Our need to please and our lack of self-confidence create expectations and make us very sensitive to how others perceive us. A creative glance, a gesture or a true word frees us from these expectations, making us more confident, more responsible and more supportive.
The most marvellous thing about someone’s loving gaze on us is not only what we discover through it, but also what we learn about ourselves. You have to look to love, but you also have to love to really look.
I followed with great interest what the media told us about the great departure of one of our best hockey players, Guy Lafleur. He was good on the ice,’ said one journalist, ’but even better off it. Another interesting comment about him:
‘He loved everyone, you could see it in his eyes, and everyone loved him’.
Guy, it was said, was much more than the guy who scored goals, he was the guy who marked lives. During his funeral, Ginette Renaud sang the beautiful song l’ESSENTIEL, with music by Charles Aznavour and lyrics by Michel Jourdan. It was a thought-provoking song:
‘L’ESSENTIEL, c’est d’être aimé, contrairement à tout ce qu’on peut raconter. It’s not fortune or fame, which are nothing but wind and fog’.
The gaze that destroys
What is happening on the international scene between Russia and Ukraine shows us a different kind of view of each other. The look of superiority, domination and jealousy that some Russian leaders have for their Ukrainian sisters and brothers divides rather than unites, provokes war instead of peace, hatred instead of love. What’s more, it sows a climate of terror, fear and anxiety throughout the world.
The look in Jesus’ eyes
What if we looked at the face of Jesus, ‘the One who went about doing good and healing all those who had fallen into the power of the Evil One’? (Acts 10,38) Meeting someone of quality is contagious, and Jesus was this figure of attachment; his gaze, his example and his words attracted many people. It’s a good idea to stop and catch Jesus‘ gaze through the Gospel stories, knowing that as Christians, as well as observing Jesus’ gaze, we are invited to pass it on through our way of seeing others as He did.
His tender gaze on Mary Magdalene ‘Mary’ (John 20, 16)
The merciful look he gave to Zacchaeus ‘I must stay with you today’ (Luke 19:5)
The questioning look he gave Philip: ‘I have been with you so long and you have not recognised me’ (John 14:9).
The compassionate look he gave the blind man: ‘What do you want me to do for you? Let me see again’. (Mark 10:51)
The way Jesus looks at others, the way the Triune God looks at each of us, his children, is very impressive. Discovering that we are worthy of being loved in this way can make love spring up in our hearts, as if from a rock.
Nelson Mandela said:
‘Let us have luminous eyes, because by making our light shine, we offer others the possibility of doing the same’.
And I like this African proverb from Burundi: ‘The light of God shines in the eyes of every child’. You have to know how to look at life through the eyes of a child. Only a child dares to look into the distance, because he can be sure of being able to count on the arms that support him and on the love that carries him.
I would like to end my article with this beautiful song:
‘DON’T BE AFRAID, LET CHRIST LOOK AT YOU, LET HIM LOOK AT YOU, FOR HE LOVES YOU’.
